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How powerful is optimism?
As is it seems to be the case with everyone, whether they pretend to believe it or not, we face daily challenges that put a strain on our motivations. Sometimes it gets so rough that the ability to motivate ourselves to get through the day/night gets put to the test. How much of a role does optimism have when we get into these situations? Is the mere desire and the strong belief that such things should turn out a certain way enough to propel an idea towards that eventual outcome? Hope some folks respond cause I don’t have the answer.
Steve Nam as the Dahli Rama
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“The Rooster Claw”
Perception is subjective. A series of events that play out can be constituted as a memory. But it’s astounding how those events affect the people involved in them.
Case and point; an example of sorts. A friend of mine and I were patrons in a gun store today. We’re both looking for a hobby and beyond your normal hobbies of golf and collecting comic books, we decided to stray from the norm and maybe take up shooting. We went to a local gun store, family-run is my assumption, and began to take a look at their stock and their astronomical prices.
The propietor of the store is a woman in her 50’s, baby blue fleece with the logo of one of her distributors and her hair pinned up like it was 1960. By no means did she have a look of malice nor did she display any form of hostility that one might associate with a gun store owner. She was chatting with another customer and being that it was Thursday afternoon around lunch in a store that wasn’t busy, I couldn’t help but overhear portions of her conversation. What played out was quite possibly one of the most condescending, yet human and overly humorous moments I’ve experienced to date. Below is an abbreviated account of what took place:
“I have to tell you (store customer), about an experience that I had last week that warmed my heart. A boy of about 9 came into the shop with his father looking for equipment related to his upcoming Cub Scouts trip. Let me tell you sir, it’s moments like that, that warm my heart and inspire me. This little boy of 9 was a cripple in a wheel chair (verbatim by the way; she used the world “cripple.”). His little wheel chair was electronic and it was amazing to see him maneuver around the store. Well about 10 minutes pass and he decides to wander off right here to the handgun section, bless his heart. As he came over, I couldn’t help but notice his “cripple hand.” Damn near looked like a rooster claw!! I couldn’t imagine what it must be like going through life with a hand that was so crippled! (as she said this she demonstrated a 3 finger claw similar to, what I assume she thought looked like a rooster foot. Complete, by the way, with a facial contortion similar to a victim with a massive stroke or what the Elephant Man looked like in the movie). I saw the boy looking at my collection right here and it moved me. I told the cripple, “If it’s okay with your dad, I can put this here .22 in your lap.” Do you know what he said then? He told me that he already owned a .22!! I couldn’t believe it because it was beyond me how he could use his crippled hand to do anything!! I’m serious, he couldn’t even make a fist!! I mean the hand was like this (again the claw with the face came about). Well at that very moment, it got my mind working and I asked him if he had ever been hunting. I thought about all the people I know that come into this shop and if this boy had never been hunting, I know enough people who could construct a blind for him and his wheelchair. My friends are always doing stuff like that for cripples. Do you know what he said then? He told me that he goes hunting with his father and he had already killed two bucks in his life!! After hearing that I had to talk to the father. It was beyond me, like a miracle, to imagine how this boy was able to kill two bucks! We spoke for about 15 minutes and the father told me about this website that gave him ideas on what to do with his cripple son. He told me that he constructed a device where the son was able to mount a rifle to his wheel chair, for support and all, and through the use of a straw and the sucking in and out of air, could fire a rifle. It’s just down right amazing what people are able to do these days. Bless his heart!!
The above, of course, is a summarized account, but the main parts are there. Now most people reading the account above may assume that the story recounted was full of laughter and moments where she was trying to be amusing. Such is NOT the case. This woman did not falter. This was a genuine moment for her. In her train of thought, there was nothing wrong with calling this boy a “cripple.” There was also nothing wrong with her account because even though the rest of the store and customers hearing this story were uncomfortable with her liberal use of cripple and contorted facial expressions, she was genuinely moved; even though she portrayed it in the most condescending fashion known to man.
The present is a miraculous time to be alive and present in. Why? Because it isn’t like the days of Greece where defective babies were thrown into a pit. Natural Selection doesn’t always win out because we have avenues to bypass and create a semblance of a life that is sustainable and may yet be worth living. Had this woman never heard of Stephen Hawking? Chances are probably not. The true “cripple,” at least in my opinion, was not the boy with the physical limitations brought about by his limited mobility. It was the limits placed on the human spirit by said shop owner/operator. While many may be subject to physical distortion because of ailments brought about by genetics, there really isn’t an excuse for the limitations brought about by ignorance. So next time you see yourself not being able to do something or looking at a situation and seeing something that is nearly impossible, throw up 3 fingers, contort your face and remind yourself that with a little bit of luck, trial and error, and the willingness to try, maybe the situation won’t be so “crippling.”
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The problem with my life is…..(part 1)
Today carried a lot of importance with me. Culturally it represents the #3 of things gone bad and I wanted so badly to capitalize on the things that I have been unfulfilled with. Cryptic? It’s supposed to be. It was always a superstitious notion that all bad things happen in 3’s and for those of you just tuning in, the cliffs notes version is that the past 3 years have been filled with turmoil, shit that is unfair, etc.
My best friends will tell you that I’ve taken it all in stride, spun a healthy perspective, and in the past few months made a proactive effort to combat the insecurities that have crushed me to the steaming pile of remainderings (I realize that this isn’t a word - it is now; I made it one!) that constitute “me” now. But the momentous realization that dawned on me amidst my search for some sort of approval was that I don’t know how to ask for things that I want. Seems pretty juvenile and simple. But my personality/weakness is that a majority of my life has been in service of others under the misguided interpretation that this was somehow a form of compassion; that my servitude via my knowledge and actions was making the world a better place. But I feel that my life is unfulfilled. I understand through my Buddhist studies that a life unfulfilled is a part of this cycle known as life, but an overwhelming feeling of something greater than regret reverberates within the “me” that tells the me what life is all about.
That’s pretty fucking scary.
So for those friends, acquaintances, loved ones, etc. that know me, please help me change this realization which I have come to deem as a flaw. Don’t let me get away with witty remarks or comebacks. Find satisfaction and a true understanding of what it is you think I’m trying to get across, and if you catch me noticeably trying to evade what it is that I’m trying to get out of you, feel free to punch me. Preferably not literally, but emotionally is maybe what I need to get me in the right direction.
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I never wanted just to be your heart’s unwanted guest. So please invite me back when I am more than second best.
– unknown (via teadough) -
Silence……
So last week was……trying. Frustrating. Less than ideal. That’s not to say it sucked, but it was pretty close. I enjoy writing/typing. But I forgot that sometimes what transpires in my mind doesn’t translate the way that it’s intended. I neglected to take into account the power of words and the lack thereof and it sort of blindsided me in ways that I didn’t intend. Therefore I just took a break from it. All of it. I was bombarded by topics that would have made for, at the very least, amusing musements, but I deprived myself of those moments because I feared that what was musing in my head wouldn’t translate well. Cryptic? Good. Take this from the meanderings mentioned above. Don’t neglect the perception. What you may think may be coming across while you type/write isn’t always what is gleaned by your intended audience. What may seem like honesty and an attempt at exposing something about yourself could actually be something horribly offensive. Though it may not be the intent, it’s a repercussion that may come about.
On to the next one. Went OFF GRID for Labor day weekend. Managed to only get away for a 24 hour period, but the experience was mind expanding. Went to a town called Utopia, TX just a bit outside of San Antonio. I had the pleasure of having no cell phone reception, clear night skies, and a butt load of acreage of absolute untouched middle of no-where bum fuck. It was perfect. I peed in toilets that had spring water pumped to them, and what I realized is that I was more civil in the middle of no where than I was in “society.” Why? Because you can always catch me peeing on a tree, or a fence while I’m in town, but get me into the plains and I use a toilet. Not sure what that says about my sense of logic.
So I got to stem off of my original urination topic and just talk/type about Utopia. For those of you who use the word incorrectly (pet peeve), utopia by definition is an ideal society or republic. The connotation of the word is that it is something unattainable because it’s foundation only is sustainable by factors that are too perfect. The original use of the word because of that important notion was that it was double edged; it sucked to talk about a utopia because perfection doesn’t exist. But Utopia, TX was pretty close to the perfection I seek. It was a day of good food, good people, beautiful scenery and good food. Did I mention good food? The temp throughout the day was an even keel 74 degrees. My daughter and I started off the morning looking at the “aminals” and for breakfast, fresh biscuits and gravy with sausage. There was also REAL fruit preserves, or what you savages would deem as “jelly.” Mia got to play with chickens and goats before 10 am. We rode the buggy through the acreage and refilled some deer feeders. Want some visuals? Hit up my Facebook.
But what stayed with me even after I left Utopia was the recognition of needs. So much of what consumes my day is wants that I am fooled into believing are needs. Being out there made me realize just how much I take for granted. To the point where a simple life with good food, good people, and the abundance of shit that really matters like clean air, water, and natural funkiness are the things I should be trying to get after.
The Rama was critiqued for using too many flowery words as descriptors. I took it as something that may have meant that my use of language was to cover the smell of shit; like bullshit. So this is my attempt to keep things succinct. Hopefully the rest of this week will go better than the last. If not, I have the option now of just getting away from it all. I hope that I have enough courage to accept and overcome the hail storm of shit that is my life and will meditate on the responsibilities I have (though self-imposed as they are) to conquer these fears.
With no real closings that are witty to say today,
Dahli Rama
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The Internet - I’m too old for this drama
I’m proficient at using computers. It started very early for me because I had to repair the first computer we ever got. It was in 1993, and we drove from SF to Sacramento to pick one out at this super warehouse electronics place. We made the trek back to SF and set up the entire system in about 45 minutes. My father went to push the button, and maybe it was because of the unrealized stress of having to pay $1200 for a computer, he pushed the power button in too far and the computer wouldn’t turn on. This was how my relationship with electronics began. My father loved reading about new stuff, but hated paying for it, and it came to a point where he just got too old to try and keep up with it. I’m starting to hit that point as well.
Back in September of 2009, I got a letter from my ISP saying I was downloading illegal stuff; specifically TV shows that were free. Boggled by this, I did some research and talked with said ISP. They walked me through how to check my computer for the files that were causing the problems and when I couldn’t discover it, they asked me about my wireless connection. Turns out the shelf life for hardware components isn’t what it used to be. They said my 4 year old router was too easy to be hacked and that it was my responsibility to make sure my connection was secure. I buckled and spent $85 on a new router from Best Buy and then even made sure that I had my ISP help set up the security for the wireless portion. Fast forward to last night when in my mailbox I get a notice that there is a certified letter for me at the post office from my ISP. I call up the ISP and the tech I talked to stated that it was probably a notice (again) for downloading. I got noticeably upset because it hasn’t even been a year, and even after checking with my wife, it’s apparent that we don’t know what files they are talking about. I checked on line and it stated that these letters are usually a slap on the wrist to stop unethical download practices, but what does one do when he isn’t the said culprit?
I’m not gonna lie. I love my internet connection. I watch TV on Hulu, the only way I’ve become social is through Facebook and Tumblr, and who isn’t down with all the free porn? I even order pizza via the internet. In order to stay competitive in my career, most of my marketing as well as information management on properties is all done via the internet. But is the hassle of being accused (again) and after complying by spending more money worth the accusations and paranoia of always wondering if my connection is secure? Is the responsibility of always changing passwords, logging in and checking to see who is on the network, etc worth the convenience of aspects that have become my daily routine? Honestly, I don’t know. I love the mental stimulation and perceived convenience of always being connected and learning voyeuristically about people I know and love, but I’m also too lazy to want to be that responsible about this part of my life.
I’m getting older, and some would say wiser, and the rat race is something I see that destroys the best years of our lives. Of course there is that need to be an adult and participate in society. But I see and feel the stress it causes and from those two components, I see the neglect we pay to the things that the spirit of life attempts to instill in all of us each day.
So asshole who is hacking my network, or if this situation is different and you’re hacking my computer, STOP!!! I have enough shit in my life! The past two years have made a pacifist out of me, but because you’re fucking with the things that keep me sane (and you are literally fucking with my sex life and my access to porn), I will make an exception and fuck you up.
Dahli Rama
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How can this be wrong?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPLuYYf92O0
This is my friend Theresa Do and her girlfriend.
I’ve heard all the arguments, statements, and under the breath remarks of what it’s like when one of “those” couples exist. I can even understand, very slightly though, how some people can find this interaction to be somewhat unnatural. But two people who get together and just love one another; how can that be something gross?
People just need to stop thinking about the sexual implications involved. Women I’ve spoken to comment on how they don’t understand how a physical manifestation of attraction can come about between the two same gendered folk involved. Men are constantly fantasizing about the utter sensory overload when the subject of logistics of two women getting together are brought up; more importantly how they can get involved. My people don’t cry. I’ve attained the ability to cry after my daughter was born. This video made me cry. Miracles surround us at each and every moment of every day. We just choose to not acknowledge them. We make justifications, like our pursuit for financial stability, our devotion to our beliefs, etc. and we neglect to see the wonders that surround us. Tdo and her girlfriend may or may not last. Impermanence is a constant in this undertaking known as life. But view this moment, thankfully captured digitally for the sake of remembrance and made eternal, and truthfully tell me it isn’t absolutely amazing that in all the things we take personally and designate as fucked up, that two people, regardless of gender, are able to find each other and make each other this happy, even if only for this captured moment.
I’m no politician. I’m an observer of life, and sometimes participant. True love is rare. We have tons and tons of unfortunate situations that arise due to what we perceive as love with a significant other. We seldom recognize the people that occupy our immediate day to day lives and their importance as well as the love that they impose on us. This is a love too that brightens our lives. To the constituents who feel that a recognized union, again regardless of gender, is detrimental to society, I submit the following musings of an unnaturally tall Korean man illustrating the obvious benefits of daily miracles when two people make each other happy. Happy people, people who found someone to love and having the same person love them back doesn’t fuck up society. People who don’t understand these simple aspects of life and complicate them with standardized societal morals, graphs depicting trends on preferences are missing the point. As one Lenny Kravitz puts it, “We got to let love rule;” and who am I to not listen to a man with dreads.
Steve Nam aka: The Dahli Rama
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Question
What would you do if you deprived yourself of something that you liked to do for a 1000 days? How would you celebrate if you made it to 1000 days?
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Mad Men last night was awesome...
Peggy: I have a boyfriend.
Joyce: He doesn't own your vagina.
Peggy: No, but he's renting it.
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See you Girly….
Maxine
2004 - 2010
You will be missed. Thank you for filling our lives with that emotion and state of being only you could provide. As stated in previous posts, you exposed me to a lot of what life is all about; innocence, wonderment, simplicity, tenacity, and the most basic and important form of love.
Steve Nam
